AMDOLSUN

Balkan kökenlilerin çoğu “H” harfini söyleyemez.  “Hamdi” diyemez, “Amdi” der. “Hüseyin” diyemez, “Üseyin” der.  Ya da “hoş geldin” diyemez, “oş geldin” der v.s. 
Üsküp’ lünün birisinin art arda beş kız çocuğu olmuş.  Adamcağız karısının her doğum yapışında şükreder “Amd’olsun ulu tanrım, bana sağlıklı bir kız çocuğu verdin” dermiş.  Altıncı da kız olunca isyan etmiş,  “Ey tanrım, ‘amdolsun’ diye diye evin içi  am doldu. Bir de erkek çocuk verseydin ne olurdu!”

DONALD AND HILLARY

 

HILLARY

Donald and Hillary Go into A Bakery

Donald and Hillary go into a bakery on the campaign trail.

As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.

She says to Donald, “See how clever I am?  The owner didn’t see anything and I don’t even need to lie. I will definitely win the election.”

The Donald says to Hillary, “That’s the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit.  I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result.”

Donald goes to the owner of the bakery and says, “Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick.”

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry.

Trump swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one.

Then Donald asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and  asks, “What did you do with the pastries?”

Trump replies, “Look in Hillary’s pocket”…

 DONALD

ÜTÜLESEYDUN DA

Fadime kızını evermiş, düğünden sonra bir hafta geçmiş ses yok Ula ha punların sesi soluğu çıkmıy, Pen puğun bi dolanacağum demiş; yeni evlilerin kapısını çalmış… Kızı kapıyı açmış ki ne görsün kadın, kızı çırılçıplak:
-Uyyyy ha pu nedur uşağum? Ayuptur da!
Kızı: Aaaa ne kadar geri kafalışın anne, bu aşk elbisesi…
Kadın tobe tobe diye içeri seğirtecek olmuş bakmış damat geliyor:
-Ooo anne hoş geldin?
Kadın yüzünü gözünü nereye kaçıracağını bilmiyor, çünkü damat da anadan uryan..
-Pu ne rezulluk diyecek olmuş,
Damat hemen: ‘Aaaa ne kadar geri kafalışın anne bu aşk elbisesi’ demiş.
Çaresiz Fadime bir koşuda almış soluğu evde.
Almış Fadime’yi bir düşünce.
Acaba demiş, gerçekten ben geri kafalı mıyım?
Sonra yatmış aklına.
Üstünde basında ne varsa soyunup dokunmuş.
Başlamış evde çıplak dolaşmaya.
Akşamüstü kapı çalınmış, Fadime, bakmış ki camdan Temel, saçını başını düzeltmiş, açmış kapıyı.
Fadime’yi bu halde gören Temel’in gözler yerinden fırlamış:
Ula ne dur bu, gafayı mı yedun da?
-Hih demiş Fadime Temele, ‘ne gadar geri gafalusun, ha bu aşk elbisesidur da’
Temel şaşkın cevaplamış:’Ula karu, Ütüleseydun bari da..’

MAMA’S BIBLE


MAMA’S BIBLE

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors
and lawyers.

One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They 
discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved
to Florida .

The first said, “You know I had a big house built for Mama.”

The second said, “And I had a large theater built in the house.”

The third said, “And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her.”

The fourth said, “You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know
she can’t read anymore because she can’t see very well. I met this 
preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took
ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute
$50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it 
Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it.”

The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out
her “Thank You” notes.

She wrote: Milton , the house you built is so huge that I live in only one
room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.”

“Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries
delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.”

“Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can
hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing, 
and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the 
same.”

“Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give
a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious Thank you so much.”

Love, Mama

İKİMİZ DE ÖLDÜK

İKİMİZ DE ÖLDÜK

Doktorun bekleme odasında, son derece hasta oldukları her hallerinden belli üç adam oturuyormuş. . Hastalardan birisi 24 saatin 24’ünde de içen bir alkolikmiş.. İkincisi, sigaraları birbirine ekleyen bir tiryaki.. Üçüncü sevişmeden duramayan azgın bir eşcinsel.. Üçünü de uzun uzun muayene eden doktor, sonuçları açıklamak için adamları odasına çağırmış.
– ‘Haberler kötü’ demiş… ‘Üçünüz de uçurumun kenarındasınız. . Bu alışkanlığınızı derhal bırakmanız gerek..
Sen bir yudum daha içersen, sen bir nefes daha çekersen, sen bir daha bir erkekle ilişkiye girersen bittiniz. Orada kalırsınız. Bakın tane tane tekrar ediyorum.. Aranızdan herhangi biri bu alışkanlığı bir defa, sadece bir defa dahi tekrarlarsa ölecektir.. Hepsi bu kadar..’
Üç kafadar muayenehaneden birlikte çıkmışlar, Yürürlerken bir barın parlak ışıkları yüksek müzik alkoliği kandırmış..
– ‘Bütün doktorlar palavracıdır. Bayılırlar yasaklamaya’ demiş ve dalmış içeriye… Ötekiler de peşinden..
Alkolik bir duble viskiyi kafasına dikmesiyle oraya yığılmış kalmış.. Diğer ikisi dehşet içinde bardan fırlamışlar. .
Karmakarışık duygularla yürürlerken kaldırımda yeni yakılmış, dumanı tüten kocaman bir puro görmüşler..
Tiryaki aniden durmuş.. Derin derin bakmaya başlamış yerdeki puroya.. Eşcinsel tiryakiyi dürtmüş..
– ‘Eğer onu almak için eğilirsen… Bil ki, ikimiz de öldük!’

AMAZING WORLD

Proof That The World Is Nuts!


In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.


(Do they look different in reverse?)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

 


Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.


(A brick?)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 



The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia
 is decapitation.

(Much worse than “going blind!”)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 



There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins,who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.


Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.


(Let’s just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.

No golf clubs….I hear a 3 iron works well.

The husband’s illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.


(Ah! Justice!)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England – but only in tropical fish stores.


(But of course!)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 



In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.


(Makes one shudder at the thought!)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 



In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.


(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 



In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.


(Is this a great country or what?)


(Well, not as great as Guam!)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.


(Who volunteers for these tests?)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 



The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.


(From drinking little bottles of ???)


(Did our government pay for this research??)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Butterflies taste with their feet.


(Ah, geez.)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.


(I know some people like that.)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Starfish don’t have brains.


(I know some people like that, too.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 



And, the best for last?


Turtles can breathe through their butts.


(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)


Thank you all for reading this.

If you need to reach me in the future, I will be in Guam!!

BRASTFEEDING TRAUMATIZING MEDICAL STUDENT

 picasso-maternity

Medical student traumatized after seeing breastfeeding mother on Pediatrics rotation

By Dr. Amy G. Dala – 

 

February 9, 2016
13670293_s
What is this unnatural abomination?

He asserts the team was performing bedside rounds on a 14 month old boy, admitted for gastroenteritis complicated by dehydration, when the child’s mother suddenly, “whipped out her boob, and started feeding her baby. In front of us.” He thought that, for sure, the attending would offer to come back later allowing the mother to nurse in private. “Instead,” he whimpers, “we all just stayed in the room, and everyone was acting like it was no big deal.

Keen explains that he already completed his General Surgery rotation, where he saw amazingly interesting cases including rectourethral fistula, burn wound debridement, and, his personal favorite, hidradenitis suppurativa. He was looking forward to his Pediatrics rotation where he could just “coast through,” maybe getting to play a video game with a teenager, or chat with a cute nanny.

Instead, he was expected to manage complicated patients with challenging parents, while calculating Every. Single. Medicine. in milligram per kilogram dosing. But the incidence that caused him the most distress was seeing an exposed breast in a toddler’s mouth. “I just wasn’t properly prepared,” Keen cried, “and so I was looking at her nipples, then I caught her eyes and realized that she knew that I was just looking at her nipples, so then I couldn’t look in her eyes! So then I just looked at her arm, but that seemed inappropriate too!”

When asked about the “Breastfeeding Incident” Dr. Smiley replied, “Oh, you mean the toddler that suffered mental anguish from all those students surrounding him, and was fortunate enough to have his mother there to comfort him?”

Matthew Keen is looking forward to putting this unfortunate incident behind him, and moving onto his next rotation. He was given a “high pass” in Peds, in exchange for a promise never to set foot within 100 feet of a patient less than 16 years of age. In light of his victory, he and his friends headed off to Hooters to celebrate.

BRST2BRST FEED