The Fifth Parrot

Jan, Sue, and Mary haven’t seen each other since leaving school. They​rediscover each other via Friends Reunited and arrange to meet for lunch.

Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace dress. She orders a bottle
of Pinot Gris with three glasses.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, wearing a grey Chanel number. After the
initial hugs and kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine.

Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and
boots. They all hug and she too shares the wine.

Jan explains that after leaving school and attending Oxford University
she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter.
Timothy is a partner in one of London ’s leading law firms. They live in
a 4000 sq ft apartment on Park Lane and Susanna, the daughter, attends
drama school. They have a second home in Portugal .

Sue relates that she graduated from Cambridge University , studied to
become a doctor and became a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading
financial investment banker in the City. They live in the Surrey
stockbroker belt and have a second home in Italy .

Mary explains that after she left school at 17, she ran off with her
boyfriend, Mark. They live in Essex where they grow their own vegetables
and run a tropical bird park. Mark can stand five parrots side by side,
on his erect penis.

Several hours later, after the third bottle of Pinot, Jan breaks down and
blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Tesco and they live in
a small apartment in Bromley with a caravan parked on the front drive.

Sue, chastened by Jan’s honesty, bursts into tears and admits that she and
Clive are actually nursing care assistants in an old people’s home in Peckham. They live in a Council house and take camping holidays in Kent.
Mary finally cracks and admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.

parrot-foreplayG-426x320'Do you speak English?'

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